Dear Old Patterns and Habits –
Thank you for all the years of loyalty and persistence. Thank you for keeping me safe and predictable. Thank you for your lessons and wisdom. You have served me for better and for worst. But I detach myself now and choose to step away from your constant fallback. It is time to move forward, to above and beyond the walls you have kept me in.
I can taste the freedom of a new space, so wide and wild with opportunities. Experiences awaiting to be felt with all my senses…
It’s both exciting and scary a bit. To imagine what it could be like. And what if it’s not that at all. What if my dreams and desires are unrealistic, and I only have created unattainable expectations. What if I’m changing a sensible life for nothing better at all. What if… What if…
… Well, well, well. Here you are again, my dear pattern. You showed up just perfectly even in this letter. The spiral of going backward. To the safety of life as I know it. But I say to Thee- Farewell. I am moving forward. Each time you sneak in; each time I say “forward.” Keeping focus on that of what I deeply desire and deserve as my birthright.
Focus. Repeat- Connection. Passion. Intimacy. Happiness. It’s out there for me. I know. I can have it. I don’t have to fear it. I’m creating new space for it. Welcoming it with an open heart.
The road is not a picturesque travel with with rose petals at the foot. It’s not pretty or comfortable at all. In fact, this difficult process triggers the ego’s flight or fight response, and it tries desperately to pull back into the old pattern. Falling back into the “easy”… though it is no longer easy, for me. When you want out, more then you want in. When it hurts more to silence the desires, than to live in that silence. Gathering courage and moving forward, is my last resort. Step by step. Word by word. Action by action. Slowly but surely the shift is change my life .
Moving forward and claiming my happiness.